Bloody Mary, Hail Mary, Virgin Mary. Mary’s Poppin’ everywhere. The whole world loves a girl called Mary and you’ve never loved if you ain’t loved a girl called Mary. Here’s a Mary-inspired poem, as I continue to post “love” poems.


Mary O’Reilly does it all smiley,

Mary Healey likes it feely,

Mary Jane, she don’t complain

Mary Malone does it alone.

Mary Magdalene won’t do it again,

Mary O’Hara just wears mascara,

Mary Jo does it nice and slow,

Mary O’Keefe does it all with her teeth.

Mary Mac Guire had a male voice choir,

Mary Mac Queen had a rugby team,

Mary Smith had an engine driver

He giggled and giggled and wriggled inside her.

Mary Taylor had a Russian sailor,

Mary Pugh, the Potemkin crew.

Mar Blair had a legionnaire

Mary Hull stuck to her bus conductor.

Mary Sue makes a hullabaloo,

Mary Mac Court got caught short.

Mary Mary’s quite contrary and

Mary Poppins’s is very hairy.

Mary Simms enjoys her sins,

Mary Scott enjoys them a lot,

Mary O’Slattery gets all chattery

And Mary Malone is still alone

All hail to you Mary

And your virgin graces,

A bloody Mary, to drink

Your immaculate praises.