Another French lesson. Today’s word is one of the essential basics in the compendium of rude French words.

« con » (pronounced as it is written)

« Con » is a wonderful word. It means anything and everything

For example

« Il est con » – (eel ay con) He’s daft, He’s stupid, He’s an idiot

« C’est un vrai con » – (set ern vray con) He’s a real bastard

« C’est un petit con » – (set ern petee con) He’s a little shit, He’s a wanker (for upstarts everywhere)

« C’est un vieux con » – (set un vee yer con) He’s a stupid old bugger

Now imagine, something really stupid happens – you lock yourself out your house, or you get stuck in the toilet or you walk into a door. You would say

« ça c’est vraiment con » – (say vray mon con) that’s really stupid

The word « con » sums up stupidity in all its forms, whether it be an incomprehensible administrative practice, or a rule that’s just plain stupid, you can say « c’est con » (say con)

Indeed, there is even a noun form, which means stupidity itself:

« La Connerie »

Anything you consider as stupid, from junk mailings to dodgy « get-rich-quick » investment schemes, or even an over zealous initiative from you boss, based more on his desire for promotion, than common sense, you would say (in a sneering and cynical tone)

« C’est de la connerie » (say der la connery) (as in Sean)

« Con » is a wonderful word, used to qualify someone or something so unbelievably and undefineably stupid, that all other words fail you.

And as we say in French, (for all those would-be, Hitler-like, jumped up minor officials who would say « It’s more than my job’s worth »)

« Quand on est con, on est con » – (kond onnay con onnay con) When you’re stupid, you’re stupid.

Finally, down in the south west of France, around Toulouse, « con » is used as a term of affection.

If someone from Toulouse says « ça va con ? », (sar var con ?) he or she is not insulting you, but merely asking -« How are you, you old bugger? » a bit like Yorkshiremen are supposed to do, but then the whole of the South West of France is the French equivilant of Yorkshire., except there is more sun.

Okay, time to bugger off and cook dinner