Wonky Trees Virgin Births and Beardy Strangers

Broken Santa
Broken Sanat

So, when I was a kid, there was one pièce of sound advice drilled into me by mum and dad – « Don’t talk to strangers », and if a seedy old man in a dirty old trench coat offers you sweets – run away and find a policeman – Well times have changed – abusers have gone on line and after massive cut backs in police numbers there isn’t a single cop on the Streets

At Christmas though, it is different

An old bloke with a white beard and a red suit will park his reindeer on the roof and slide down the chimney to fill your stocking – don’t worry kids, this is Santa Claus and on Christmas Eve it’s okay for a complete stranger to slide down your chimney.

Other festive myths –

I’ve got a daughter who is at that age where parental advice is « use a condom » but come Christmas, we spin the yarn of the Virgin Mary. God got her in the « family way » and Joseph didn’t even get a look in. So should Mary have gone on the pill  or used some other form of contraception ?

We get our kids to believe in lies because it is cultural and traditional

Another Christmas myth. – the Christmas tree – standing proud and imperious festooned with lights and tinsel – I’ve never had straight tree – Yes every year, I buy the eco-friendly, plant again Christmas tree, and when I get it home and unbag it, the gangly green tree goes all wonky – leaning precariously against the wall at 45 degrees with the agility of a drunk. No matter how much I fiddle around with the tree it is always leaning against the wall, ready to fall over. I’ve had real trees and plastic trees, they always look drunk and no matter how much I reposition them, they lean.

And my praises to people who manage to decorate their trees with a full set of fully functioning lights that spread splendidly from top to bottom, and a star that proudly crowns the sylvain glory.

Yep, like every year, I’ve got a wonky tree with crap lights – and there is another issue – I seem to buy new lights every year – I get them tested in the shop, but when I get home, only half the lights seem to work.

So here I am in the week before Christmas, with a wonky tree, crap lights and that other Christmas myth. – the presents – you never get what you want or what you need or what you like – but someone you love, has taken time out and spent their hard-earned cash to buy you something – that is love.

So, myths and all, I’ll send you my love for this festive season. It’s never what you want, but it’s always what you need – time to be with those you love however crappy or kitsch it all may seem.